I have been deeply jolted to the importance of the role of
trust in my life and the cost when trust has been missing. Many years ago I
spent a long time at the top of a cliff roped and secured being encouraged to
abseil over the edge to the bottom a number of feet below. No matter how much
my highly competent friend
encouraged me to trust him and the equipment, I could not. During the same
period of my life it was my job to service the fire service turntable ladders,
which meant climbing 100 feet to the top of them. This I did many times never
without a sense of anticipation, trusting the mechanics and workmanship that
had been carried out. But it is with people where trust is cashed out or held
back, reaping rewards or crippling relationships.
I think the book has jolted me to understand my role as a
professional truster
As a stipended priest
I am called to model to, and with, my community my profession of trust. As I
reflect upon 13 years of my life lived in this community when trust has been at
its best between us we have done something for the kingdom, not much but
something. It is true we have different levels
of trust in our communities. There is no
one in my community that I trust more than my wife. I have trusted to her
everything; my poverty, my fragile passionate love, my now and my future, most
of my secrets and all of my hopes. I
would not inflict that weight of trust on anyone else the cost is too high.
Some of the relationships I have had in the parish have been
fleeting but trusting. Strangers have trusted me with their secrets, others
with their weddings, baptisms and funerals: Precious moments of privileged
trust.
Others have not trusted, a working relationship yes, but not
trust. I wonder when there is no trust then comes fear and self-reliance. I am
aware when my trust is at its least I rely upon what I know and can do. And nothing
much is built or done. Willams’ book reminds me the Father trusts creation to
its people, the Father trusts the Son with the kingdom, the Father entrusts a
fragile Church with the Holy Spirit. Jesus trusts us enough to go home to the
Father.
I am asking myself why have some not trusted me and opted
for something else, fear and control. The
lack of trust results in relationships that are fragile and unfruitful. I have
noticed when trust is not common currency the phrase “God has told” (me) is
used. Reflecting on the gospels I am not sure Jesus ever says “God told me”. It
is the most non-Christian phrase in use today. It is used by fundamentalist to
attack and disarm the enemy because there is no trust.
Some of my most painful experiences have been were trust has
been broken. My natural tendency is to withdrawal my trust and be more
self-reliant. But in the long term as the professional Truster I am not
afforded that for long, because it cripples me. If I cannot trust my community
how can I trust God? I thank God for Willams’
jolt to remind me that to trust is not easy; not to trust is the other kingdom. Trinity 14 2013
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